literature

The change

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zacoroneman's avatar
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Literature Text

I used to be ridiculed, judged, and hurt. People called me things behind my back and to my face. I haven't told many people, but in the eighth  grade all my classmates boys and girls compiled a list of best looking girls and guys. I was third to last out of the entire male population of my class. I want to thank those people who made those lists for making me stronger. I also want to thank a girl from my seventh grade class who called me J-hoe-seph Gay-rrell, and a bunch of mean other things, just cause she could. No one was ever interested sexually in me. Never. Then I got to high school. At first the bullying stopped because the amount of new people allowed me to make new friends who wouldn't hurt me. And my friends always have and always will stand by me, but the real reason the bullying stopped was because i was in freshman football. Once the season was over and i told myself i would never do it again, people started making fun of me again, not my friends, just others. So I came out to my friends who protected me and helped me when people were being mean to me and they accepted and loved me all the same which gave me strength to fight away the pain for awhile because not only did they say they loved me the same, but they grew to need me. But eventually after finally see others accept me, I accepted myself. However accepting myself came with a price: I wanted to now be myself, the real me, which the Catholic high school will never allow. So I told my friends I wanted to not be afraid and not hide and be able to openly date people. They told me to do what I needed to, which was the nicest thing any humans have ever said to me. They loved me and they knew I needed to be let go. They knew that if they kept me I would fade away and wilt. They loved me more than I'd realized and I love them more than they'll ever realize. They are genuine and true friends. And so I stayed one more semester in order to prepare them, and they seemed ok until the day came close for when i was to leave. Then a lot of them got either angry or sad or asked me not to go, one girl even refused to believe me. But they were just hurting; I was hurting as well. It's hard to let go of people you've known ur whole life, but the need for understanding and no more hiding, drove me on. It held me together when all seemed lost. Then I made it, and in this new school, people so far have told me I'm cute, they've told me I'm hansom and attractive, a guy and girl even fought over me at one point. I'm finally starting not to hate how I look or act. I finally feel good about me and who I am. I've been here one week and I've gotten so many compliments from people who don't even know me versus just compliments from my really close straight girl friends at my old school. The people at my old school made me feel, no, they made me believe that I was completely worthless. I tried to please them. I pretended to be someone else and hid myself for them, so they'd like me. But they never did. They maybe never will, but honestly now I don't care. I'm not ugly anymore, I'm not a worthless faggot anymore, I'm not a hypocrite or label anymore. I'm a beautiful, valuable, honest, and real homosexual teen and I'm proud that's who I am.
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© 2013 - 2024 zacoroneman
Comments6
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Pryate's avatar
I hope you have understood now the following points:

1/ You FIRST have to love and accept yourself if you want to be loved and accepted.

2/ You don't have to try to please others. NEVER.

3/ You don't have to be proud or ashamed, you just have to be YOU.

:heart: